11/04/2007
Hints for the Prospective Recruit:
Arthur Matthews
This is just another skit on the army. There are lots of things in the army that may seem funny to people that have not had the experience of life in the service. Things may have altered a lot sine this was put on paper. Any way this is just a bit of fun.
Arthur Matthews
The most expensive infantry soldiers are the guards, who can be sub-divided into horse, coarse, coast, cold cream, foot and trigger guards. Guards are found in all stations, including Waterloo. They train for war on the playing fields of Eton.
Next in importance come the rifle fire brigade and the light infantry who are all small men and travel very fast between Durham and Cornwall.
Then come the regiments of the line. The line being the thin red line one invented during the Crimean War by a lady butler, now found on officers mess overalls in memory of "Badajos Breachs." Amongst these regiments are the king's, queen's, knaves and the famous macaroons. The Scotch regiments differ from English ones in that the English recruit comes mostly from Ireland, whereas Highlanders are obtained in London.
There are only two ranks of importance in the infantry, the front and the rear rank. These must be kept apart and on no account allowed to become mixed up.
The backbone of the army is the private soldier, so called because his life is as private as that of Henry VIII.
In olden days officers wore overalls for riding, now they wear breaches and spurs for walking about barracks. Spurs are essential for dismounted mounted officers, but it is bad form for mounted dismounted officers to wear them.
Infantry are expected to co-operate with other arms, and on the whole contrive to do so in spite of class distinction and social differences.
In battle much assistance is obtained from the blank corps, a very mechanical force consisting of whippets, snipets, tappets and other devices.
Co-operation is also obtained from artillery, which is composed of light and dark artillery (walnut troops). Some known as draught artillery (also obtained in bottles).
Amongst the auxiliary troops are the engineers, who are known as "flappers" or "poor saps." They are skilled in pontoon, Vingt-et-un, Bridge and other diversions.
Cavalry are of great assistance to infantry by hiring out hunters. Amongst the famous are greys, blues, all blacks, lancers and dancers. They are keen on fox trotting and polo.
The health of troops is entrusted to the R.A.M.C. A regiment whose motto is a number "9" saves time.
It takes seven years to train a soldier. Nearly twice as long to entrain to. At the end of seven years the soldier is no longer an infant, has grown out of his rude childhood so he returns to lead a civil life. A certain percentage of old soldiers is retained in order to maintain N.A.A.F.I. profits. For this duty they get a "rooty" medal, after which they fade away according to tradition.
As I said at the start a lot of this would not be understood even by a modern soldier. Apace for marching is in some units 120 paces a minute, for the light infantry it is about 160 and they travel light hence the name. Infantry officers on horses were the mounted dismounted and cavalry marching were dismounted mounted. At one time senior officers in my regiment wore breeches and spurs on big parades. Imagine being in a tank with spurs on because at one time the only way to signal the driver was to put your foot on his shoulder.
A. J. (Jess) Matthews
Perhaps you have an article to add to the site concerning our family's history? Contact me at the email address for consideration. nrbcpastorkev@yahoo.com.au
11/04/2007
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